Mizerable
by Pikazoom
Summary: Songfic. Yami's thoughts. two chappies! Seto/Yami
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Do I LOOK rich? No? Then there's your answer.  
  
kizukanai furi o shite  
  
chiisana mado kara tooku o mitsumeteta  
  
sora ni hirogaru tenshi no koe  
  
kaze ni dakarete  
  
*I pretended not to notice  
  
And stared far out the small window  
  
The angel's voice spreading in the sky  
  
Was embraced by the wind*  
  
Past Seto's POV  
  
~~~  
  
It's strange... I can still here your sweet voice...a voice that was commanding, but it sounded like an angel's to my ears.  
  
hitomi ni utsuru zawameki wa nannimo kikoenakute  
  
tada ima wa "amai toki no itazura da" to  
  
sora ni tsubuyaita  
  
*The commotion reflected in your eyes can't hear anything  
  
Only now I murmured "It was a trick from when I was naïve"  
  
Into the sky*  
  
I remember that time...that time you told me you loved me. I couldn't say it back, no matter how much I wanted to. You didn't know of the past...but I did...  
  
It hurt you didn't it? I could see you...about to break down...about to cry. You hurried away, and left me there to sulk with my lie...  
  
mawaru, mawaru... okizari ni sareta jikan no naka de watashi wa ima  
  
les misérables  
  
aishisugita anata ga kabe kiwa no mukou de  
  
sotto waratteru  
  
*Turn, turn... Inside of the time that left me behind I am, now,  
  
les misérables  
  
You who I loved too much are on the other side of the wall  
  
Softly smiling*  
  
You left me mizerable! No, I left myself mizerable...  
  
No matter how much I loved you, we could never be together. We were both guys, not to mention...related.  
  
It's true. You never knew, but I did. My father and yours were...brothers. The rumours that I would overthrow you spawned from there. We were cousins...and I could've had the right to the throne.  
  
Maybe I should've been, but I'm not bitter...not at all...because I love you. It's too late to say it now though. I don't know how I managed to fall for you. Perhaps it was your happy nature...or your handsome face when you smiled. I was supposed to hate you! Despise you! But...just the opposite happened...  
  
todokanai kono omoi dake... toiki ni nosete  
  
*Only this feeling that cannot be fulfilled... it's filled into sighs*  
  
The sadness and regret that fills me now makes me sigh. I can never love you openly. I always wonder...what would have happened if I'd told you the truth? Would we be happy?  
  
tsumetai kaze o abinagara  
  
kurikaesu yoru ni omoi o egaiteta  
  
sotto kuchizusamu merodi wa  
  
jikan ni kizamarete kieru  
  
nido to modorenai kanashimi wa wasurerarenakute  
  
ima mo yureru omoi ni somaru koto dekinai karada ga  
  
kowaresoude...  
  
*While blasted by the cold wind  
  
I relived my memories in the returning night  
  
The melody I softly sing to myself  
  
Is carved away by time until it vanishes  
  
I can't forget the sadness that I cannot return to  
  
Even now, my body that cannot taint the flickering emotions  
  
Seems to break down*  
  
Just weeks after I responded coldly to you, just as cold as tonight is, you killed yourself. It was my fault...all of it...  
  
I'd cry myself to sleep night after night. I still do. If only I had told you...  
  
Don't worry though. Never. I'll always remember you. Your smiling face. I relive our precious times together while I sleep in my cold, hard bed. It leaves me crying to think of you, but I want to remember you...forever.  
  
hitokiri no kanashimi wa doko ni yukeba kieru  
  
"watashi ni asu wa aru no..."  
  
*Where can I go to make my loneliness vanish?  
  
"I always have tomorrow..."*  
  
The place to make my loneliness vanish is the underworld, where I can hopefully see you. Maybe I never will...the scales of judgement would surely tear out my cold, sinful heart.  
  
...but a more cruel thing would be to let me keep it...  
  
mawaru, mawaru... okizari ni sareta jikan no naka de watashi wa ima  
  
les misérables  
  
aishisugita anata ga kabekiwa no mukou de  
  
sotto waratteru  
  
*Turn, turn... Inside of the time that left me behind I am, now,  
  
les misérables  
  
You who I loved too much are on the other side of the wall  
  
Softly smiling*  
  
I loved you too little to admit my feelings...or maybe I loved you too much. I was afraid, I'll say it now. It wasn't well approved of, the relationship we would've...could've had. I didn't want to see you killed...or maybe it was myself I wished would not be harmed...  
  
fukaku fukaku ochiteiku wasurekaketa yume no naka de watashi wa ima  
  
les misérables  
  
aishisugita anata ga kabekiwa no mukou de  
  
sotto waratteru  
  
*Deeply, deeply falling inside of the dream that I only started to forget I am, now,  
  
les misérables  
  
You who I loved too much are on the other side of the wall  
  
Softly smiling*  
  
I'm crying now. Thinking of you. I'm in line to be pharaoh because you don't have an heir...I am most qualified now, you know...  
  
I've made myself mizerable. I would rather have you up there on the golden throne, with me planting kisses on your lips with the silence and loneliness of the room.  
  
I want to see you again, but more so, I don't want to be pharaoh. To see through the eyes that you saw through. Never! I'm not deserving of something so precious. I'm...not deserving of anything...not even life. I killed you! The one I loved so much but pushed away brutally.  
  
This knife in my own palm. I'll make a wish upon it. My wish is...to see you again. In a place, a time, where I can tell you I love you. Goodbye...my love...my only love...  
  
todokanai kono omoi dake... toiki ni nosete  
  
*Only this feeling that cannot be fulfilled... it's filled into sighs*  
  
Notes:   
  
~For this story, Yami really did seal himself into the puzzle, but no one knows that.  
  
~cousins? I think it's true. I believe the manga said Akunadin and Yami's father were brothers...  
  
A/N: *ducks from the random objects being hurtled at her* I'M SORRY!!!!!!! *runs* 


	2. Illness Illusion

Disclaimer: Do I LOOK rich? No? Then there's your answer.  
  
Song Disclaimer: Mizerable and Illness Illusion are sung by Gackt. I have no claim to them (darn).  
  
Pikazoom: I accidently read a Jou/Seto fic the other day. I'm so upset ; . ;   
  
Blue September: Darn. My ignorance has screwed up the 'political correctness' of the fic. -_- Oh well, you still like it? Yay! *gives her a chibi Yami pharaoh plushie*  
  
Todokanunegai: I think It'll have a happy epilogue...I think... O_O *gives them a chibi Yami pharaoh plushie*  
  
Chapter 2: Illness Illusion  
  
Yami's POV  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
yasashiku sasayaita anata no koe  
  
doko ni iru no...  
  
zetsubou ni mo nareteshimatta  
  
kono yo no hate de wa  
  
*Your voice softly whispered  
  
Where are you...  
  
I also grew accustomed to despair  
  
At the end of the world*  
  
Despair...that's what I feel. The end of my time is near. I'm leaving this cruel world for a while...hopefully, forever.  
  
I can remember what you told me. I said I loved you. You told me I was a hopeless idiot and walked away. My world shattered. Those words were the same you used to ridicule me often, but they held a different meaning at that point. Laced with the deadliest venom...and also, regret? No...it must've been my imagination...   
  
chinmoku de tamotareta yasuragi o kowashiteshimae  
  
hikari ga furitatsu toki ga kuru mae ni  
  
*Break down the peace that's preserved in silence  
  
Before the time when light will fall comes*  
  
My false tough exterior makes me continue my regal duties as always, but I'm not the same at night. I break down and cry in anguish. I was too stupid to see...that you hated me...  
  
We're not the same when we're around each other. I can't look at you...I never want to see the pure hatred you have for me in your beautiful eyes again...  
  
The peaceful surrounding tonight does nothing to comfort me. I'm crying as always...but...I will be free tonight. As a last gift to my people, I am sealing away the tablets of the duel monsters. However, I myself will be sealed into a golden puzzle in the shape of a pyramid. It was a gift from my father.  
  
kiesaru kono sekai de anata to aishitsuzukeru  
  
tamerai mo mayoi mo iranai  
  
tsuite oide...  
  
*In this world that melts away, I'll continue to love you  
  
Faltering and lost and unneeded  
  
Come here with me...*  
  
As I prepare to leave this fading world, I know one thing. I love you. Even if you hate me, I can't stop these emotions overflowing from me...I realize...I'm still in love with you. No matter how much you've destroyed my soul or happiness, I don't blame you. No, I love you. Unconditionally.  
  
kie saru kono sekai de anata to kataritsuzukeru  
  
subete ga ima omoi no mama ni  
  
*In this world that melts away, I'll continue to talk to you  
  
Everything is now like a memory*  
  
I'd hoped to talk to you one last time before I seal myself, but I was afraid you'd push me away. For a pharaoh, I was never truly as brave as I'd have liked when it involved personal matters.  
  
I have one wish. Just one. It may be selfish, but since I never got to talk to you on the night of my separation from my body, I wish to speak to you again someday. I want to hear your beautiful voice once more. May Maat's feather be kind to you on the scale.  
  
I'll make one promise to myself with my wish. In the time I wait to talk to you, even if it's never, I'll never fall for another. You're my only love, Seto.  
  
kiesaru kono sekai de anata to aishi tsuzukeru  
  
tamerai mo mayoi mo iranai  
  
tsuite oide...  
  
*In this world that melts away, I'll continue to love you  
  
Faltering and lost and unneeded  
  
Come here with me...*  
  
I love you, and I always will. As I plunge this dagger into my chest to complete this ritual sealing, I see it as a symbol. A symbol of the pain in the chest you caused me, and the shattering of my soul. However, a knife can be removed, and a soul can be rebuilt. Good luck on your journey through life, Seto.  
  
A/N: Muahahaha...I've sent my homophobic muses on a visit to see my friend's muses. They won't be around for about a week. Nyahahahaha... 


	3. Secret Garden

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh  
  
Song disclaimer: I don't own the song Secret Garden. This song is owned by Gackt (my favorite music artist).  
  
Pikazoom: My muses are alive.  
  
Yami: We're free from that dark and scary place!!!!  
  
Yugi: *cries tears of relief*  
  
Pikazoom: O_o  
  
-Secret Garden-  
  
~~~Yami's POV~~~  
  
garasu no naka ni uita boku no hitomi wa tada...  
  
kimi o miteta  
  
My eyes that floated in glass were simply  
  
Looking at you  
  
Alive again. Free from a millenium of imprisonment. Free from thinking only about you...I'm actually not free from that. I still think about you. I'll never forget. Especially with you running around after 3000 freaking years!  
  
It sounds unreasonable. Nobody can live 3000 years. But I returned, and there you are, in all your glory. The same as when I left, but you look...like you need a tan!  
  
Though the past haunts me, I can't help but feel...happy. I'm alive again! I have a chance to start over! Maybe...even with you...  
  
yasashisa no kakera mo mienai  
  
kurikaesareru shingou ga  
  
kuchimoto ni dake ai o kataritsuzuke  
  
boku wa karadajuu ni meguru puragu o hazushi  
  
kono ashi de mou ichido dake  
  
kono sora o mita  
  
The fragments of kindness are also missing  
  
The repeating signals  
  
Continue to speak of love only out of my lips  
  
I take out the plugs running from my entire body  
  
And with my own legs, just once more,  
  
I looked at this sky  
  
I remember, coming out of the puzzle, standing up on real physical legs and staring at the sky. It hadn't changed. It was the same sky I'd lived under. I couldn't help it...I smiled.  
  
yume no naka de hirogaru sekai wa the last secret garden  
  
mou kimi no naka de kieteshimau kedo wasurenaide...  
  
boku no na dake wa  
  
The world that expands inside of dreams is the last secret garden  
  
Inside of you I've already completely vanished, but only my name...  
  
Will not forget  
  
There are no traces of me in you, are there? I'm back to sulking now! I should be overjoyed, but you don't remember me...  
  
You were the world to me in Egypt. My idol. My desire. And now, you treat me as a fiend...like when I told you I loved you.  
  
yugamitsukeru toki no hazama de  
  
senaka ni sashita naifu o tsubasa ni mitate  
  
sora o aogitsuzuke  
  
boku no karadajuu o meguru kioku no baitai subete o  
  
yakitsukusu tame  
  
kimi dake o mita...  
  
In a distorted loophole in time  
  
The knife that stabbed me in the back gives me wings  
  
And I keep looking at the sky  
  
In order to burn up all of the memories  
  
Running through my entire body  
  
I only looked at you...  
  
The knives begin to dig deep again. The ones you implanted emotionally, not the one I destroyed myself with. And yet...I can start over with you, can I not? If you don't remember me...if your memories have been smothered in the ashes...then can I start over? All this time...and I've only loved you. I've never given any consideration to another!   
  
The knives I've been given spread into wings of hope. I'll make things right this time! I love you Seto, and I'll never give you up. The most precious thing to me. Not the jewels, the gold, or even my Sennen Puzzle can compare! It is the pharaoh's declaration that I love you most!   
  
ude no naka de hirogaru sekai wa the last secret garden  
  
mou kimi no naka de kieteshimau nara wasurenaide...  
  
dakishimeta koto o  
  
The world that expands inside of your arms is the last secret garden  
  
If inside of you I've already completely vanished, don't forget...  
  
The things that you embraced  
  
But...what if I fail? If I vanish into the shadows again...will I have another chance? Just once this time, even if you kill me, I want you to hold me. I want to feel you embrace me for I am sure that it would be like a secret garden that one can run to to be alone and relieved.  
  
I won't forget the past. None of it. I've embraced the fact that it will NEVER go away. But I must move foward now...with you...like you did.  
  
sotto me o tojite  
  
hikari o saegireba ii  
  
yume o mitai no nara  
  
Softly close your eyes  
  
It's okay if you're cut off from the light  
  
If you want to see dreams  
  
"demo mou kizuiteiru yo..."  
  
ookiku ude o furiageta kimi no subete o  
  
"But they've already noticed..."  
  
Everything about you who raised your hand high  
  
I retreat from the light of the day back to the Puzzle. I want to dream now. The dream I have during my freedom. I hope I can dream of you and I. I want to dream about us hiding away in our own secret garden...wondering if everyone else knows about us. But more than dreams...I want it to be true.   
  
yume no naka de hirogaru sekai wa the last secret garden  
  
mou kimi no naka de kieteshimau kedo wasurenaide...  
  
boku no na dake o  
  
The world that expands inside of dreams is the last secret garden  
  
Inside of you I've already completely vanished, but just don't forget...  
  
My name  
  
"Pharaoh."   
  
You called me. I returned to consciousness. What did you want? Wait-did you just call me pharaoh? Do you remember? What will you do?  
  
"I have to make amends for my worst sin." What did that mean? Did you need my help? What...was his sin? I gave him a confused look.  
  
You grabbed my arms and pulled me close, burying your head into my strangely soft hair. We're frozen in a moment...a moment of uncertainty and sorrow and forgiveness. You stroke my back softly, and I start to cry. We both just seem to know that I needed to let it out. The pain from the past.   
  
"Seto..." I sobbed into his chest. This is what it's like...to be in the last secret garden. To have something that no one else has. My most precious thing. My secret garden.  
  
ude no naka de hirogaru sekai wa the last secret garden  
  
kimi dake o mita  
  
The world that expands inside of your arms is the last secret garden  
  
I only looked at you  
  
kimi dake o  
  
Only you  
  
A/N: How sweet! Well, I figured I'd do a Seto POV and be done with my little songfic series! 


End file.
